It’s been a good while since the Layperson’s Guide To Fitness was released, so we thought we’d visit the Iron Church again with some helpful etiquette tips.
We couldn’t decide who would take the lead on this post, so we settled on a “Tag Team” approach. Jordan will take the first 5 swings, and Shayne will come in after to finish things off.
It’s already an accepted fact that one-dimensional douchebags gravitate towards gyms. However, without the proper etiquette, you could end up being inadvertently grouped in with them. But fear not–we’re here to help.
“Help” in this case mostly pertains to what your intentions are. You could either follow these rules to become the most despised person in the gym, or you can avoid them to become a responsible member of contemporary society. We don’t really care what path you choose, as long as you’re aware.
Here are 10 Ways To make People Hate You in the Gym:
1. Long phone breaks
The gym is a sacred place to develop yourself and get really, really, ridiculously good-looking. Thing is, not everyone has time to wait while you update everyone on how good-looking you’re getting.
2. Leaving your weights out
Are you too lazy, or were those weights really too heavy for you? Don’t put the “dumb” in dumbbell: re-racking takes a couple seconds, tops.
Honestly, are you comfortable doing ANYTHING with a stranger breathing on the back of your neck?
4. Recording everything for the Gram
This one’s a lil tricky: it’s good to be self-aware and monitor your progress. However, looking for corrections and proper form is more important than seeking validation. Tread carefully.
5. Giving unsolicited/unwarranted advice
Although you might feel like the all-knowing God of the Iron, exercise some restraint. It’s one thing to look out for another gym-goer’s safety— it’s another thing entirely to be a know-it-all
Ooh! Tag me! Tag me!
Sweet, I’m on:
6. Unnecessary Grunting
Hey, we get it: a primal grunt is sometime just what you need to bang out that last rep. It’s just that you’re shouting during every rep of your 95lb squat sesh with bad form. Knock it off.
7. Having a full-on conversation
Most people will humor you with about 25 seconds of conversation when approached. However, don’t be the person who can’t take a hint once someone else puts their headphones back on and starts another set. Wait until after you’re both done, since they’re busy during their workout. Or maybe they don’t like you. They probably don’t. Take that hint, too.
8. Not wiping up your sweat
Don’t get me wrong: sweat is rad. It helps cool you off, and makes you look like a f*cking beast. However, it’s still a bodily fluid, so wipe it up. Nothing’s more disgusting than plopping down on your favorite flat bench only to accidentally place your head in a pool of another person’s essence. Gross.
9. Carelessly dropping your weights
Nothing screams “I’m an inconsiderate jackass!” more than letting go of your weights as soon as you finish your set. Not only is it obnoxiously loud, but it’s also disrespectful to the gym equipment. What if someone came into your house and started dropping everything as soon as they stopped using it?
10. Use the leg press and think you’re cool
Anyone who knows me saw this one coming. If you want to use the leg press that bad, then by all means–go for it. It’s your life. Just don’t grunt and scream while surveying the room for anyone watching you leg press 315lbs. My mom could probably do that. Only she’d also rather squat and preserve her knees and lower back. Try it sometime.
Now, let’s hear some gym peeves from our friends:
Jacob Dallas Espinoza: “People who walk around with a f*cking back belt doing bicep curls”.
They probably wouldn’t need the belt if they didn’t twist their back so much during reps. Ironic, isn’t it?
Brandon Priest: “The guy that is on the same gym cycle as you that seems to beat you to every important station, every day”
There are actually very few things in the world as frustrating as this.
Thanks for reading!
Jordan has a Personal Training certification from the National Academy of Sports Medicine, but will only give advice if it’s asked for. You should be like Jordan.
Shayne was a Division-1 athlete for UC Santa Barbara, and competed for 4 years without ever using a shitty leg press.