newyears

The Layperson’s Guide To Fitness: Vol. 1

With the arrival of the New Year comes the commonly-broadcasted, yet rarely-accomplished declaration known as a “New Years Resolution”

The concept is simple enough: you’re supposed to come up with a goal or challenge that you will take on to commemorate the beginning of the new calendar year.

An overwhelmingly large percentage of New Year’s resolutions have to do with fitness.

You know what I’m talking about:

Getting ripped.

Getting swole.

Getting shredded.

Getting a bigger butt.

Getting toned.

Getting lathered in grease and roasted.

Okay, maybe that last one isn’t an actual thing—I was just checking to see if you were still paying attention.

Anyway, the basic summation of all these is the common NYR of:

“I want to get in shape”

 

The mysteriously punctual entity known as “The Internet” is well aware of this common NYR too, as there’s always a tidal wave of “How To Get In Shape” articles that come out the woodwork during this time of year.

I took a quick peek at a lot of these before putting this article together to see what I was up against, and noticed an interesting tend.

Nearly every article I skimmed through seemed to be written for two main demographics: The Gym Rat or The Soccer Mom.

By that, I mean that the articles catered to people who either aspired to become hardcore steroid-fueled rage faces, or those who simply want a participation award for pseudo-exercising without any real ambition. You know, like those people who wear workout clothes all day without…f*cking actually exercising.

But what about people in the middle? What about those of you who want to take their fitness seriously, but not as seriously as this guy?

 

Well, that’s where I come in.

My name is Shayne Pearson,—also known as Shayne the Stampede, Shayne Paladin Pearson, Shayne, King of the World, etc.—and I’m here to help.

I’m here to give a (hopefully) accessible guide to those of you who might need help getting started, or want to modify what you’ve been doing.

But here’s a question that I’ll ask on behalf of some of you: who the f*ck am I?

Let’s start the quick—yet important section of this article known as “establishing credibility”. It’s basically the part where I say a bunch of stuff about myself in an effort to prove to you that I’m not just talking out of my ass, and that I actually know my stuff.

It might sound like I’m just rounding off a bunch of my accomplishments in a frenzy of self-indulgence…which is sort of true, but I’m really just trying to show you that you’re in good hands.

Okay, here we go…

  • I was a Division-1 track athlete at UC Santa Barbara, competing in both the Long Jump and the Triple Jump. I came in as a walk-on and finished as an All-Big West Conference Selection in the Long Jump during my senior year.
  • As of now, I’m the 7th best Triple Jumper in UCSB history.
  • As well as the 8th best Long Jumper.
  • I tore both my ACL and my Meniscus in my right knee during my junior year of high school, forcing me to sit out the entire year of sports. Fortunately for me, I was able to successfully rehab my injuries and was able to finish both my football and track careers during my senior year.
  • I’ve been coached by both Chip Schaeffer and Ramsey Nijem. Chip has coached athletes such as Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan in the past, before serving as the head strength coach at UCSB from 2012-2014. Ramsey was also at SB before moving on to work for the Sacramento Kings, where he is today.
  • My jumps coach in college was Travis Anderson, who was an All-American 400 meter sprinter at the University of Oregon.
  • I once had two cats named Spongebob and Patrick.
  • My body fat percent is around 6%.
  • I’ve never been to Six Flags.

Okay, that’s enough.

Hopefully, this pole-jocking of myself got one simple message across:

I. Love. Fitness.

Seriously! I love the feeling of euphoria I feel afterwards, setting new challenges for myself, and constantly working to optimize my health.

HOWEVER (I capitalized it because it’s important. Obviously), while I absolutely love being active, it does not dominate my life.

This is why I call myself a “fitness layperson” (title reference!).

I don’t count macros—I don’t even really know what the f*ck that means.

I don’t “bulk” or “cut”.

I don’t meal prep all that often (if ever).

And I certainly don’t do any of those stupid juice cleanses.

Despite all that, I’m perfectly satisfied with my fitness level, which has been maintained through an approachable and practical set of guidelines.

Sure, I’m in pretty good shape. And yes, I exercise in some capacity most days out of the week. But I also know there’s more to me as a person.

As I’m sure there’s more to you than your fitness ambitions.  I’m sure you all have other hobbies, interests, and time commitments.

That’s why this article isn’t trying to convert you to any sort of “fitness cult”:

Lol

I’m just trying to help you make little changes in your life that will maximize your time and hopefully benefit you in the long run.

Obviously, I’m not going to force you to do anything. Keep in mind that your fitness (or lack thereof) will have zero effect on my life, so this is solely for your benefit.

Now don’t get me wrong: this fitness thing isn’t easy, man (no gender discrimination intended). If it were, everyone would be walking around with six packs…and I’m not talking about Budweiser.

It takes discipline, commitment, and a bunch of other words that you can find in generic exercise slogans.

Whoa. Take it easy, guy.

All jokes aside (for now),  reading this article will be a waste of your time unless you’re willing to get a least a little bit serious about getting or staying in shape. You’ll see what I mean once we get started.

This is an accessible guide, for all of you out there who want to better your lives without having to abandon your friends, families, and general decency.

This is, The Layperson’s Guide To Exercise.

Let’s begin…

Part 1: The Mental Aspect

I’m not the biggest Kobe fan, but his mental edge is undeniable.

I think a main reason why NYRs wither with time is because the mentality to remain on the right path isn’t effectively cultivated. In other words, people rush to get into the gym headfirst as soon as they get over their New Year’s hangovers.

Which is perfectly understandable, but it’ll be more beneficial in the long run to hold your horses for a bit. You need to know what to expect, and how you can overcome the challenges that await before diving in.

Don’t even think about stepping into that gym until you’ve…uh, thought about these things first:

 

Keep an open mind, and check your ego at the door.

A huge pet peeve of mine—and one of the main reasons I’m writing this article—is when someone is frustrated with their current exercise habits, but blows people off whenever they try to help.

Look—I don’t want to seem too harsh, but you’re probably reading this guide for a reason. I’m guessing that it’s because what you’re currently doing isn’t working. And if it hasn’t worked in the past, what makes you think that it’ll work now?

I used to see it all the time for Track while in college. Some highly-touted freshman would come in, refuse to take advice and adapt to a new program, and see themselves off the team by season’s end. It’s sad (sometimes), but it’s a real-world example of what happens when you refuse to admit that some people might know more than you.

Letting go of your ego and being open to advice is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

…And if you don’t want to have an open mind, reading the rest of this article will be a complete waste of your time.

 

Remember: Fitness is a one-horse race. Your body, your pace.

I know, man. I know: it’s scary out there at first.

You have dudes and gals walking around looking like they belong on Teen Wolf, and it can be pretty intimidating.

Lol

In fact, I’ve had people tell me that they stopped working out because the thought of looking like a noob in front of these life-sized Barbie and Ken dolls was just too embarrassing.

You might get down on yourselves if you need to only squat the bar when you start out, but remember this (totally original) quote:

“It will get better, because you will.”

Seriously. One thing I love about exercise is that there is a direct correlation between your effort and your results…to an extent (more on this later).

Everyone—EVERYONE starts somewhere. Even those idiotic gym rats did at one point.  Don’t let it discourage you. If you still feel too embarrassed when you start, then try exercising really early in the morning or late at night when there’s less gawkers.

At the very least, you’ll most likely be in the company of people in the same situation as you.

 

⊕Fitness Myth #1: Foods that are high in fat make you gain weight

Yes and no.

Here’s the only equation you’ll ever need to know about weight:

Calories in + Calories out

If you eat more than you burn, you’ll gain weight. If you eat less than you burn, you’ll lose weight.

The misconception probably comes from the fact that foods high in fat tend to also be calorie bombs.

 

Stop Comparing

Spring-boarding off that last point, I’m going to add another quote:

“Comparison is the thief of joy”.

I get bothered whenever I notice someone looking at a picture of a fitness model or an athlete while saying “Gee, I wish I could look like this person”.

I understand—it’s great to have a goal, and pictures of shredded people can be very inspirational. But it can also be setting yourself up for disappointment when you realize that modern photos are often artificially made.

This hilarious couple did an experiment to demonstrate the effects of photoshopping fitness photos.

Most of these fitness photos are taken literally seconds after the person has finished working out, and are intensely edited and photoshopped thereafter. This nonsense has become such a regular practice that you’re practically not even looking at an actual human being anymore.

Refraining from comparison is especially hard to do these days, with all these social media accounts that post videos of people doing these crazy workouts. Don’t worry— most of these videos and vines are just random nonsense.

Don’t focus on trying to look like other people. Focus on becoming the best possible you. You’ll be surprised at how much happier you’ll be with your body in the long run.

 

Patience, Patience…………………Patience.

What’s that, you say?

“Hey Shayne! Give us another generic quote!”

Well, if you say so!

“Rome wasn’t built in day”

And neither will your perfect bod.

You absolutely need to know this before starting your journey to a healthier life.

It takes a long time to see any noticeable results, and it most likely won’t be you who notices them. But you need to just keep at it, and the results will come. Trust me.

If instant gratification is your thing, then this whole fitness thing might not be for you. It takes time, and dedication. Know this, embrace it, and retell it.

Probably the most realistic time lapse I could find

 

Alright, 

That’s all for today! A lot of this might seem a bit redundant and trite, but a proper mentality is really the backbone of any successful lifestyle. Trust me.

I know some of you were expecting the more “nitty gritty” stuff. Don’t worry–we’ll get there.

Tune in tomorrow for Volume 2!

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