The Layperson’s Guide To Fitness: Vol. 2
Part 2: Preparation
Okay, so by now we should have the mentality foundation down.
So we’re ready to start destroying the stairmaster now, right?
Not quite.
…Shark bite.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist that rhyme opportunity. Anyway….
No battle is worth fighting without a proper plan, and this applies to the never ending war against ice cream, alcohol, and those Taco Bell nachos that you totally regret five minutes after consuming.
Preparing a practical plan (try saying that five times fast) is as equally important as the act of exercising itself—never forget that.
Start with an end goal in mind (but don’t get too specific)
Having a clear goal to pursue will really help you avoid the feeling of being lost. So, ask yourself: what do you really want out of all this?
More running endurance?
To add bulk?
To lose bulk?
To be able to lift your girlfriend during sex?
To be able to life your boyfriend during sex?
Whatever your goal is, keeping it in mind will add both motivation and focus to your fit lifestyle.
HOWEVER, I will advise you to steer clear from two main mistakes people make with their goals: Being unrealistic, and being too specific.
Now I’m not opposed to setting high goals, but failing to make them attainable will only lead to disappointment. If you’ve never jogged regularly before, then aiming to run a full marathon in two weeks might not be the best thing to shoot for.
Don’t get me wrong, you could totally run a full marathon after two weeks of training if you fully put your mind to it….but you might also die in the process.
Literally. Die.
Like this:
Another big platform for frustration is when a goal is too specific.
Let’s say someone wants to lose 10 pounds while toning their body, but has never worked out before. This person might start lifting weights and doing wind sprints to reach their goal—both of which I’d recommend for building lean muscle.
However, what usually happens in this situation is that people are shocked to see that they might have actually gained weight when they step on the scale. This leads to frustration, and frustration leads to quitting.
What this person didn’t realize, though, is that muscle weighs more than fat. So there’s actually a high chance that he/she was toning their body and burning fat, but also building solid muscle. Although they have made great progress, they won’t be satisfied because they didn’t lose ten pounds.
Make sense?
As my friend Jessica Mosbarger—who was captain of UCSB’s National Champion Rowing Team—says, “Look at the mirror, not the scale”.
⊕Fitness Myth #2:Elevation masks work
No. I don’t care how cool you think they look.
Running at high elevations is a tried-and-(maybe)true method that runners use to expand their lung capacity.
All those masks do is basically simulate someone choking the sh*t out of you. Sure, it’ll be harder to breathe—but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your lungs are getting any benefit from it. In fact, they’re probably not.
Because you’re choking.
Typing as essay with one hand won’t make the paper any better, and running while choking sure won’t help your lungs at all.
There’s no way around hard work. If you want to increase your lung capacity, you’re going to have to up the intensity of what you’re doing.
Create A General Plan That Matches Your Goals (Easier said than done)
Few things bring my piss to a boil more than seeing a person fail to do their “fitness homework”.
While this guide is a general overview for the layperson, there are hundreds of fitness articles online and in magazines that are tailored to hyper-specific goals. It takes about 20 minutes to read through enough of these to be able to get a general idea of what habits you should adopt.
There needs to be a connection between your exercise habits and your goal, or you’ll just be wasting your time.
Some of you might be thinking “Thanks, Captain Obvious”, but it’s actually more of a common issue than you might think.
Here’s a conversation that happens every now and then:
Person– “I want to jump higher so I can be more competitive when I play basketball, so I’ve been doing 100 calf raises every day”
Me– “Well, that might not be the best way to go about it. Jumping uses more of your bigger muscles like glutes, hamstrings, and quads, so you’re better off doing explosive exercises that activate those muscles”
Lo and behold, the next time I see this person in the gym, he/she is doing….calf raises.
At this point, the person is wasting their time, but has now also wasted my time since I took a few seconds to try and help.
And now I’m mad and will never help them again. Ever.
I might even write…I don’t know, a guide or something so I’d hopefully never encounter this type of thing again.
It sounds ridiculous, but it happens.
People often ignore facts if they challenge their current beliefs. Remember what I said earlier: you are doomed if you keep a closed mind.
Remember that goals aren’t mutually exclusive, either. You can have a plan that addresses multiple goals.
Someone who wants to be more flexible, build muscle, and build endurance can work towards all three by spreading out sessions of Yoga, weight training, and high-intensity cardio over the course of the week.
Or, they could pick some sort of program that incorporates all three in one session.
It just takes some homework.
⊕Fitness Myth #3: There are foods you should never eat while on a diet
Wrong.
If you really like a certain food, and try to banish it altogether while starting a new diet, then not only will you slowly become miserable, but you’ll also be more prone to binging.
The only thing I’d be okay with cutting out completely is alcohol, because it might be the worst thing you can put in your body.
Everything else is fair game, though. You can have pizza every now and then if it makes you happy. In fact, pizza is probably the “best worst food” you can have, but that’s a different story. Just as long as it isn’t every day, you’ll be fine.